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DREAMS AND REALITY….

YESTERDAY I SPENT MOST OF MY DAY RELIVING THE PAST! AFTER I WOKEUP AND GOT DRESSED AND READY, I DROVE UP TO BARSTOW, TO DO SOME FILMING FOR MY DOCUMENTARY. THE DRIVE UP THE 15 FREEWAY WAS VERY ERIE, EMOTIONAL, SURREAL, AND REMINISCENT. IT WAS WEIRD SITTING IN THE CENTER DIVIDER FOR AN HOUR AND JUST TALKING AND REMINISCING ABOUT THE ACCIDENT THAT ALMOST TOOK MY LIFE. I JUST SAT AND TALKED WITH MY FILM CREW AND CHERIE AND TALKED FOR AN HOUR ABOUT LIFE, ITS CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIESLIFE PRESENTS TO YOU, THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT TAKE. THESE DECISIONS TAKE YOU DOWN CERTAIN PATHS, WHICH ULTIMATELY DETERMINE WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE, AND OUR PERCEPTIONS OF LIFE. WHETHER MY DECISION WAS WRONG OR RIGHT, GOOD OR BAD, SMART OR DUMB, CORRECT OR INCORRECT, I MAY NEVER KNOW. ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT I AM STILL HERE, STILL ALIVE, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, COGNITIVELY, AND EVEN THOUGH NOT EXACTLY NORMAL, I’M STILL PHYSICALLY HERE AS WELL, AND THERE’S A REASON FOR THAT.  I STILL DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT MY REASON AND PURPOSE IS, AND MAY NEVER KNOW. ALL I CAN DO AT THIS POINT IS BE GRATEFUL FOR THE THINGS I DO AND DON’T HAVE , RESPECT AND LOVE MY SUPPORTERS AND PEOPLE AROUND ME, AND GIVE EVERYTHING IN LIFE ALL I GOT, IN AN ATTEMPT TO BE PERFECT EVERYDAY. DRIVING BACK DOWN FROM BARSTOW PUT A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE INTO PERSPECTIVE AGAIN FOR ME, WITH WHATS IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE. I HAD A LONG DRIVE DOWN THE HILL FROM THE HIGH DESERT TO COLTON, WHERE WE WERE GOING TO ARROWHEAD REGIONAL HOSPITAL,(MY ICU HOSPITAL THAT I WAS AIR LIFTED TOO) TO DO MORE FILMING. ON THE RIDE DOWN I LISTENED TO THE 911 CALLS (FROM THE MORNING OF MY ACCIDENT), FOR THE FIRST TIME. WE HAD JUST GOT THEM ON CD. THE WORST PART OF HEARING THEM WAS HEARING THE CONCERN AND WORRY IN MY MOMS VOICE WHILE TALKING TO THE DISPATCHER. IT BROUGHT ME TO TEARS HEARING MY MOM GET THAT PHONE CALL EVERY PARENTS DREAD. AFTER OUR FILMING AT ARROWHEAD I HAD CHERIE DROP ME OFF AT CASA COLINA TO VISIT MY BEST FRIEND DESIREE WHO RECENTLY JUST GOT INJURED. DESIREE HAS AN INTERNSHIP THIS SUMMER WITH THE SACRAMENTO RIVER CATS, A TRIPLE A TEAM, DOING MARKETING FOR THEM. ON SUNDAY JUNE 13 AT AROUND 3 P.M. DES AND SOME OF HER FRIENDS FROM SACRAMENTO WENT FLOATING DOWN THE AMERICAN RIVER. AS THEY CAME UP TO A 60 FOOT BRIDGE THEY ALL TALKED ABOUT JUMPING OFF IT INTO THE RIVER. THE FEARLESS DESIREE WANTED TO PROVE SHE COULD TOO. WHILE TRYING TO JUMP OUT AND AWAY FROM THE BRIDGE DES GOT HER BODY TO EXTENDED AND WAS UNABLE TO BRING HERSELF BACK INTO A PENCIL. THIS CAUSED HER TO LAND AND HIT THE BODY AWKWARDLY, WHICH CAUSED HER DISKS IN HER BACK TO SHIFT AND SEND HER SPINAL CORD INTO SHOCK. THE FIRST TEXT I GOT FROM DES ABOUT THE ACCIDENT WAS THAT SHE HAD BEEN LIVING THE LIFE OF AN SCI FOR 5 HOURS. IMMEDIATELY MY HEART SUNK AND ALL I COULD THINK TO MYSELF WAS MY DREAMS WERE BECOMING REALITY AND I WAS FREAKING OUT. I COULD NOT LIVE KNOWING THIS,INJURY WOULD HAPPEN AFFECT SOMEONE ELSE I AND MY FRIENDS KNEW. IN A SENSE I WANNA BE THERE GOD AND INSTEAD OF DYING FOR THEIR SINS I WANT TO DEAL AND GO THROUGH THIS INJURY FOR EVERYONE I KNEW SO THEY WOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS OR FEEL PAIN AGAIN! I LOVE EVERYONE AROUND ME WAY TO MUCH! BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS HAPPENING ONCE AGAIN AND COULDN’T EXCEPT IT! IMMEDIATELY THE FOLLOWING MORNING MY MOM MY FRIEND ED AND I FLEW TO SACRAMENTO TO BE WITH MY DESIREE. SHE STARTED TO RECOVER QUICKLY BY REGAINING FULL SENSATION THROUGH HER LEGS AFTER A DAY! THE ONLY THING DOCTORS COULD CLAIM THE INJURY TO BE WAS SPINAL SHOCK. WHICH IS LIKE A CONCUSSION TO THE SPINAL CORD WHICH LEAVES PEOPLE TEMPORARILY PARALYZED. IN DESIREES CASE FROM THE WASTE DOWN. FULL RECOVERY IS EXPECTED WITHIN A YEAR. DESIREE GOT TRANSFERRED BACK HOME TO CASA COLINA REHAB HOSPITAL. IN OUR HOMETOWN CLAREMONT/POMONA, WHERE.I STAYED FOR ACUTE CARE THREE YEARS AGO FOR 63 DAYS. IRONICALLY ENOUGH DESIREE WAS ONE OF A FEW CLOSE GIRL FRIENDS THAT I HAD AT THE TIME OF MY ACCIDENT THAT WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME IN THE HOSPITAL, AND WAS EXTREMELY SUPPORTIVE. DES IS CLOSE TO HOME BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY CLOSE TO HER SUPPORT STRUCTURE, WHERE SHE HAS HAD A LOT OF VISITORS COME SEE HER AMAZING PROGRESS! SHES BEEN AT CASA FOR A LITTLE OVER A WEEK, SINCE LAST THURSDAY, AND ALMOST TWO WEEKS POST ACCIDENT, AND WHEN I WHEELED INTO HER THERAPY YESTERDAY, TO MY AMAZEMENT SHE WAS WALKING WITH NO ASSISTANCE AND DOING SIDE STEPPING AND SQUATS. PERFECT! SHE REALLY IS A MIRACLE AND VERY LUCKY AND I’M SO THANKFUL SHE IS OKAY AND RECOVERED SO.QUICKLY! LOVE YOU DES. IT’S PEOPLE LIKE DESIREE WHO INSPIRE AND GET ME OUT OF BED. WHILE AT CASA I’VE BEEN VISITING A 15 YEAR OLD KID NAMED ZACK COLLIE. HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE FROM YORBA LINDA. ZACK GOT HURT ON MEMORIAL DAY DIVING INTO THE OCEAN AT NEWPORT BEACH. HIS STORY SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE MY FRIEND BRIAN GOODWINS! ZACK’S FRIENDS ARE ALL YOUNG AND DON’T HAVE THERE LISCENCE YET WHICH MAKES IT TOUGH FOR THEM TO COME VISIT. I REMEMBER ALL THE SUPPORT I HAD THROUGHOUT MY HOSPITAL STAYS AND HOW ALL YOU SUPPORTERS KEPT ME GOING. ZACK IS A C4 LEVEL INJURY SO HIS SUPPORT AND INDEPENCE IS BIG IN HIS RECOVERY.I KNOW IF ZACK KEEPS HIS HEAD UP AND STAYS STRONG AND POSITIVE, HIS SUPPORT WILL FIND A WAY TO SHOW UP AND HE WILL FIND A WAY TO RECOVER. BUT UNTIL THEN I’LL KEEP SHOWING UP TO SEE HIM AND WILL ALWAYS CONTINUE TO SUPPORT HIM. I DON’T THANK YOU ALL ENOUGH. HOW MUCH YOU ALL DO TO SUPPORT ME AND HOW YOU DO IT WITHOUT QUESTION AND HOW IT GOES UNNOTICED AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT! I FOUND,MY REASON AND PURPOSE, YOU ALL ARE IT. AND I THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU FOR THAT! BE PERFECT. ..